The Bridal 'Look'

Last Wednesday I got a call from a number I didn't recognise. I nearly didn't answer it, because I was certain it might be one of those stupid automated calls telling me that I could claim back money on missold PPI, for that loan and credit card I don't have.

But I did answer it, and good job too. It was the lovely ladies over at Eternal Bride, telling me that my wedding dress had arrived. So last Saturday I got the chance to go and see it and try it on again.



Now, when I originally bought the dress, I looked in the mirror and saw myself looking tall, elegant and slim. This time, I felt I looked odd and frumpy, short and swallowed by lots of tulle. I think part of this is because the dress is now too big for me, as I've slimmed down.  Looking at the photographs, I've been trying to work out why I feel dissatisfied with them, and it clicked this afternoon.

Somehow, I think I expected that the minute I put the wedding dress on, I would transform into someone bridal. Instead, I just look like me, flaws and all, except in a wedding dress and veil. In my mind, wearing the wedding dress would mean that suddenly I would look exactly like the models, I wouldn't do my stupid gurny smile and that I'd know what to do with my arms for the first time ever. That out of nowhere I'd develop the grace and poise that I've previously never displayed, and would appear elegant and put together, instead of standing awkwardly, limbs at weird angles, a fixed grin and terror in my eyes.

Hanging around on wedding forums, I came across the concept of 'dress regret', but I find myself wondering how many people suffering from it are in fact instead suffering from the same misconception as I, that simply putting on a dress would make them look exactly like the models on the designer websites.

Important things I have realised:

- When we look at the model pictures, we're looking at someone who is not only in a fitted dress, but who has also had their hair and makeup done professionally, and then been professionally lit and photographed; as opposed to me, who did my own make-up in my typically ham-handed fashion, then walked uphill in a heavy coat in the freezing cold before going into a hot shop, to have my photo taken with my phone camera that has an unnecessarily powerful flash.

- They have possibly been also photoshopped a little too.

- Upon discussion with my consultant, I discovered that the models for the designers of my dress are approximately 6'3" tall, and probably like a size 2. I am 5'6", and a size 10-12. High heels can only do so much to address that issue.

- They are models, which aside from meaning that they are built like elegant human-giraffe hybrids, they also have been trained how to stand in front of a camera and manage to look like a normal human being. And, on the off chance that they forget how to do that, there is a professional photographer with a very large camera telling them exactly how to position themselves. I am utterly incapable of working out how to position myself, and when faced with a camera my expression becomes a rictus.



It's easy to forget, when surrounded by images of all these apparently perfect women, that to get to that final image there's a lot of work put in, and usually a large team behind it. I like to think that if you snapped a quick picture of any of these models on your phone camera, they'd also look shiny and a bit chinny.


However, there's very little that can be done about my inherent lack of grace and poise. So, to finish the post, have some illustrative gifs.


Models:

Me:

Models:

Me:

Models:

Me:

My wedding photographs will be interesting to say the least.

Word Association

What's in a name? that which we call a rose  
By any other name would smell as sweet;  
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,  
And for that name which is no part of thee  
Take all myself.

Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene II

Excuse me showing off my literary knowledge there (alright, my literary copy-and-paste-from-wikisource skills but whatever), but I've been pondering names recently. Not, as you'd expect, based on what my own name might be after the wedding (hahaha don't even go there it's really hard okay), but more based on what other people name things. Like, say, wedding dresses.

I discovered in much of my online dress browsing that some of the things I think of when I see a word are apparently not the same things wedding dress designers think of when they see a word.

For example, when Pronovias think of the word Pergola, they think of this:

But when I think of the word Pergola, I think of this:

When Pronovias think of the word Bangor, they think of this:

When I think of the word Bangor, I think of this:

Sometimes browsing wedding dress websites feels a bit like I'm in a The Princess Bride:

So when I find dresses that are named after literary characters, you can imagine where my mind goes, given my previous thoughts on the matter. You see, apparently it's not just manufacturers of wedding decorations who don't think things through fully when it comes to literary references. Oh no.


Maggie Sottero is pretty bad for it too. Take, say, the Ophelia dress.

Man, that dress is so pretty. But wait, there's something oddly familiar about that name. I think it might be a bit famous?

OH THAT'S RIGHT. SHE DROWNED HERSELF.

The infamous Hamlet's girlfriend, he spent basically all their scenes together being awful to her, and killed her father, and thus ended up driving her mad and plummeting to a watery grave.



Or, the equally stunning Reagan dress:

Now, slight spelling difference aside, Regan was the name of one of the awful daughters in King Lear, if we are sticking with the Shakespearean theme, who faked affection for her father to get a bigger share of his land, drove him mad, and cast him out of her household, totally defenseless, whilst her husband and brother-in-law conspired to overthrow him and get the crown for themselves.

On a slightly more modern note, guess who else was called Regan?

Just the wedding-day look I'm after.

As well as my usual favourites, Juliet and Gatsby, there's also the Lillith dress.

So pretty! So froofy! So unfortunately named after the mother of all demons!

In Jewish folklore, Lilith was Adam's first wife, created at the same time as Adam, from the same earth. Unfortunately, this apparently made her somewhat... bolshy, and she refused to become subservient to him. This probably makes her one of the first feminist icons, however because it is like thousands of years ago and religion is involved, it makes her evil. According to one source, she flounces out of Eden and refuses to come back, instead chosing to do the horizontal tango with the archangel Samael, who no-one can quite decide whether he is good or evil; according to others she flies around at night kidnapping babies; and in yet another gives birth to 100 demons a day. I think I also vaguely remember one source having her growing demons from her waist, and everything below her waist was monstrous and deformed, but I'm having trouble finding the reference for that, but still, not a nice image.

Of course these are only a handful of the bizarre dress names out there, and I would like to add that these are beautiful dresses and the name associations are entirely my own. After all, I'm sure it doesn't mean anything at all if your dress is named after a girl whose boyfriend refused to marry her, killed her father and drove her to killing herself. That's not the sort of thing that could be an omen at all.

(no but seriously I'm just messing around here, please don't think I'm predicting doom and gloom based on the name of your wedding dress)

T-minus 365 Days

This time next year it will be our wedding day.

Jon was quite surprised when I told him it was only a year away. But Jon was also quite surprised when he discovered he was turning 26 this year, not 25 as he'd previously thought, and that next week was November, so perhaps he's not the greatest litmus test of how quickly it feels like this has come around.

This feels like a good place for a gif, but I don't really have one that suits this situation, so have this instead. I imagine this is what happened in Jon's brain when I told him how far away the wedding was.

That said, having discovered that the wedding is now only a year away, Jon has become somewhat less curmudgeonly in the discussion of wedding planning. Nothing like a bit of pressure, gently applied, to grease the wheels of cooperation.


What we have done so far
- Church
- Reception venue and food
- Photographer
- Dress
- My wedding ring


What we have to do
- Flowers, because flowers
- Cake, because cake
- Music, because otherwise we might have to talk to people
- Jon's wedding ring so he has something else to lose around the house other than his watch
- Jon's suit so he is not naked
- Bridesmaids dresses so they are also not naked
- I should probably have some shoes too, don't want to turn up to church looking like that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie gets mugged for her shoes.*

 Can you believe no-one had made a gif of this already? I'd expect one with the caption "Somebody stop him, he stole my strappy sandals!" But nope. For shame, internet. For shame.

*Yes, I am thoroughly ashamed of myself for making a reference to Sex and the City, however I only know about it because I worked at Blockbuster whilst I was at University and got free rentals, and was alone for like three weeks over the summer, so I watched it all, but only because it was free.

What we have to do, continued
- We should probably work out who we are inviting to this shindig at some point
- And I guess we should make and send them invitations so they know where and when they should turn up
- Also maybe we should make a table plan so they know where they are sitting for dinner, and so no vegetarians end up with a very meaty meal
- and there is probably some other stuff we should do as well, but when I get to this point in the list I start to drift a bit and get distracted.


Part of the reason I get lost towards the end of the list is because then it all becomes variables and things that will be longer and more complex to do. I want to get things done, but I want to get the quick-and-easy things done first. Flowers, boom. Cake, boom. DJ, boom boom shake the room. That sort of thing.



Basically I want to put off the difficult bits for as long as possible. Procrastination makes the world go round! Eventually!

DRESS EXCITEMENT round 2

Remember when I didn't buy my wedding dress?

Well, last month, I did.

I found a shop near my home which a) sold the dress I wanted, and b) was conveniently having a sale (yaaay!) This shop is amazing - UK brides, I highly recommend Eternal Bride, in Warwick. I went there at the start of my dress shopping saga (8 stores, roughly forty dresses) and the service was great, so I had been hoping to if possible buy from them.

Tragically, they did not stock a sample of The Dress, but I figured that I'd tried it on 3 times now, so I knew what I looked like in it and it ticked off everything on my list:


- Sweetheart Neckline
- Strapless
- Dropped-waist a-line
- Lace edging on hem (ideally)
- Point d'esprit lace overlay
- A bit of tulle for some floof
- Empire line detailing
- Buttons


SPOILERS: This is not the dress I bought in the end.

I KNOW RIGHT. After all that fuss, after so nearly buying it from London, I picked a totally different dress.

Bear with me.

The dress I thought I loved, for reference, was the amazing Pronovias Berta:

If I am strictly honest with myself, I was still doubting it. The model pictures weren't speaking to me, and I'd been losing enthusiasm and found myself doubting if I would bite the bullet and buy it in the sale or if I'd leave it and just see if I could try it on again, one more time, to see. I had a nagging feeling that something was missing from it, something wasn't quite right, but couldn't quite work it out.

Not pockets.

When I went to the shop I was there to be convinced that there was nothing else out there more perfect for me, and that this was the dress. If it had been, I would have been very happy! But it transpires, it wasn't the case.

I tried on a number of other dresses during this appointment - all different from the Berta, although one had a very similar skirt, which proved handy when it came to decision-time.

The dress I bought was the first one I tried on this appointment, and I was stunned. I looked really good in it, and it fit perfectly!

It looked so elegant, and classy, and it had sleeves - something I'd been avoiding after trying on a few dresses with them at the start of the process which just all looked wrong, sat wrong on my boobs, scratched at my arms... as far as I had been concerned, no good things came with sleeves.

Until this dress.

But as I am prone to overthinking, and believe in nothing so much as the inherent changeability of human nature, I still did not commit. I tried on another dress, and another, and another. Each one a slightly different style.

None like that though.

In the end, we came back to two - one that was close enough to the Berta to use for comparison, but with sleeves (we tucked those in), and the Elegant and Classy dress. (not that the Berta isn't elegant and classy, this is just for differentiation).

And. Man. Goshdarnit. The Elegant and Classy dress made me look super tall and super slim and super elegant. I'd done my hair and makeup properly, and looking in the mirror I got a pretty good idea of what I'd look like for the day.

I didn't get a 'moment', like a flash of knowledge that this was THE ONE dress. But I looked very good in it. And it was light, and so easy to move in compared to the other dresses I'd tried on (including one incredibly weighty Sophia Tolli dress, with an underlayer of silver threads that I couldn't stop thinking about slug trails when I looked at it). All my family there - it was a 21st birthday party for one of my cousins that weekend, so we had a bit of a Family Outing to the dress shop - agreed it was the best dress. And I did hesitate to make a decision, but in the end I bought it.


Looking at it again, this dress is closer to the one I drew years ago, when I was idly pondering what sort of wedding dress I'd want, and also to a number of dresses I pinned on pinterest even though they totally weren't anything like my ticklist, but the pictures spoke to me anyway. I think I got a bit wrapped up in elaborate dresses, a bit distracted by detailing and photos in magazines. Whilst comparatively, what I'd been looking at was simple when held against some of the stuff out there, it was more than what was really 'me'.


From my tick list from above, this is what I walked out with:

- Sweetheart Neckline
- Dropped-waist a-line (sooort of?)
- A bit of tulle for some floof

I am VERY EXCITED about this though. I'm surprised I bought it so early (my plan had been to buy in September at the very earliest), but I think it will work out for the best. 

SO MANY people say you get the 'wow' moment though and guys, I really really didn't. I know I'm over-analytical, I know I overthink more than other people, but honestly I don't think you have to start crying when you've found your dress - and panic that you've made the wrong choice if you don't. I am doing everything in my power to discourage ANYONE crying for ANY reason at wedding related things, because frankly I find the whole thing really really awkward. 

Unfortunately this perhaps means I might not be the most demure and elegant bride...

 ...if it stops people crying, I'm there.

Besides, I'm not sure expressing the VERY REAL concern that with long hair, when you're dancing and get hot and sweaty, it can get stuck under your arms if it's not put up, really deserved the intense recoiling that it got when I mentioned it in the dress shop. THIS IS A REALITY FOR LADIES WITH LONG HAIR. IT CAN'T JUST BE ME THIS HAPPENS TO. IT IS A PRACTICALITY WE HAVE TO THINK OF. I AM JUST SAYING.

Yes, maybe, I could have just said that "I'm having it up because I get too hot with it on the back of my neck", but that would have required thinking before speaking.

Dress UN-excitement

Guys. I'm sad to report that I did NOT get my dress in the amazing amazing sample sale. Sadly the only size they had was a size 8, and my ribs got in the way somewhat. I am all for losing a bit of weight for the wedding, but to spend that much (it was still a fair whack) on a dress and pressure myself into fitting into it seemed silly.

It was still a fun adventure though!

I got to Bond Street station just before 1:00pm and met my friend there, who would be providing Quality Checking on the lookout for snags and stains etc that I might not spot (but in case she was expected to provide actual opinions, had prepared her interested face and lots of noncommittal comments like "I am undecided about spots"), we trundled to the shop, prepared to be good and early because we were expecting it to be a bit like this:

Because that is what TV had told us to expect.

It was not like that at all. We got there around the same time as a couple of other pairs of friends, and were let in and seated quietly in the fancy minimalist waiting area.

After about ten minutes of waiting awkwardly and avoiding eye contact, a smiley woman led us downstairs to the dressing rooms.

Now, the last time I had been to this store, the dressing room area had looked like this:

This time, it looked like this:

With the precision of a military operation my friend and I found the dress I liked, then quickly scoured the rails to see if they had it in another size. Sadly not, but we decided to try it out anyway. So the consultant picked the dress off the rail, handed it to us, and shoved us both into a dressing room, and wandered off abruptly.

So it was a good job my friend was there, as otherwise I might have struggled to get it on. Not that we actually managed to get it full on anyway.

That was the best we could do, sadly. Please excuse my ugly bra.







Oh well! It was a learning experience, and I'm glad I tried it instead of just not bothering. And in some ways I'm a little bit glad, secretly really, because I was a bit sad about not being able to order a dress Just For Me, but realistically couldn't pass up the chance to save a significant amount of money. And also concerned about humping the bloody thing back on the train, and storing it for 18 months, especially as my wedding insurance only covers it for two months prior to the day!


Onwards onwards!

DRESS EXCITEMENT

GUYS. OMG. GUYS.

I got an appointment for the Pronovias Sample Sale that is happening NEXT WEEK in London. OMG. YOU GUYS.

I COULD HAVE MY DRESS NEXT WEEK.



In non-capslocky fashion, this is a bit exciting/terrifying, for reasons thusly:

Exciting
- Buying my wedding dress OMG
- Massive saving = more money for other fun stuff
- Buying my WEDDING DRESS. AND THEN IMMA WEAR IT AND EAT PIE.

 (I am probably going to use this gif a LOT in this blog)

For serious though, this is quite exciting.


Terrifying
- What if I get down there and they don't have it in my size?
- What if I get down there and they only have one in my size and I have to fight for it?
- What if they have it but it is damaged?
- My wedding insurance only covers the dress for two months before the wedding.
- SO MANY UNKNOWN VARIABLES. CANNOT ADEQUATELY PLAN. MAKING FOR ANXIOUS.


I've never been to a sample sale before, but TV has led me to believe that they all end in women wrestling and screaming and pulling hair out.

But I'm sure that's an exaggeration, right? Right?

The consultant said it's going to be very busy, and I'm probably going to have to share with someone, which, whatever, I had to do that at the National Wedding Show so no biggy there. But that makes me wonder how strict they will be with appointment times. My appointment is at 3:00pm, but my train gets in at 12:30 - if I headed along straight from there, would they let me in? Can't hurt to try I suppose.

The only other downside of that is that my train home isn't until about 7:30pm (darn you cheap train ticket rules!), so I will potentially be having to lug my wedding dress around London with me until then.


I'd better get training.

I'll let you know what happened next week!

Lo! She returneth!

Apparently my initial promise to myself to try and update weekly was a little too optimistic. Sorry all! I need to get a better handle on my abilities.

The news thus far is this: We have a date.  We have booked the church. We have booked the reception venue.

25th October 2014. (536 days away - not that I'm counting. I got an app for it out of academic curiosity. Honest.)

Church:

 Reception Venue:

GIF to suitably express joy and/or make me laugh:

I also am pretty certain I know what my dress is. I have tried it on twice, there have been no other close contenders really. And I'm apparently at the point where I am having nightmares about buying the wrong dress, which I guess sort of proves it. The problem is, I'm waiting to buy. I figure the dress will be discontinued at the end of the year, so in the months before its discontinuation in December, the price will be discounted. This was the case with a near-identical dress from the same designer which I tried on last December.  The plan is to go to the same shop and try on this dress again in say, July or August, and just ask the assistant if that'll be happening and when.

Did anyone else play the Waiting Game with the dress, or did you just buy it when you knew you loved it?

Anyway, I'm trying to distract myself with other decisions. Photographer (apparently most difficult decision after venue) mainly, although the plan is to get that sorted in the next month or so. But I am really really really really really looking forward to doing the cake tasting. That is my plan for the summer. CAKE.

(Accumulating an extensive gif collection is another thing I have been doing to occupy my time. Because doing something productive like, say, tidying, would have been way too sensible.)