Slow it down, read the sign, so you know just where you're going...!

Apparently one of my two major referrers to the blog is thetaoofbadass.pw  I can't seem to make the return link work, but a bit of googling brings this website up. So. Hello to all you Badass Taoists. If any one of you could tell me how/why/where this is linked on the site, I'd be delighted to know because honestly I can't work out the connection. I really can't.

Aaaannyyway. Back to the point of this post, ably introduced with the immortal words of the Spice Girls - planning too early. Is there such a thing?



One of the problems of having an engagement that is more than twice the length of a Blue Whale's gestation period* is that you are faced with two options. 1) You spend the first chunk of that time just 'enjoying being engaged' until you reach the Average Engagement Threshold (in the UK, this is about 18 months); or 2) you decide that actually you are now about to single-handedly plan the biggest event you will probably ever plan in your life, and maybe you should make the most of your very large window so that you don't get stressed closer to the time.


Well, if you are like me and have been with your boyfriend for 7 years and lived together for 4 years, being engaged is very similar to not being engaged. In fact, I would personally go as far as to say that the two states of being are nigh-on identical. So I decided to follow the latter course of action, and Maximise My Time. Whilst academically I know that a wedding can be planned to everyone's satisfaction in a fairly short length of time, Don't Tell The Bride has frequently shown that such a course of action can reduce even grown men to tears.

And I am, despite all evidence to the contrary, a planner. I like knowing things are sorted, and having a buffer of time to fix things should anything go wrong, as well as plenty of time to mull over things at my leisure without feeling pressured by time constraints. So I began to gather my tools.

I also bought one of those silly planning books, you know the kind, like a giant filofax with flowers on. It wasn't super helpful in terms of planning, because it was a) too big to carry around with me, and b) silly to believe that I'd taken time out from researching on the internet to then write things down by hand in my book. Also the timeline was again based on having a maximum 18-month engagement. It did however have lots of handy pockets, which I have been stuffing all my receipts in, and it has some squared pages for doing table plans, which may well be useful later.



But the comment I keep hearing from family, and even Jon, is that they're worried we won't have enough to do next year. That by doing things early we miss out on the fun.

I'm not quite sure why what I'm doing right now only qualifies as 'fun' if it is done with fewer than 12 months to the wedding and not now, but I've never planned a wedding before, what do I know? But, we are now under 14 months from the wedding, and as we approach the 12 month mark I'm starting to get more anxious about just Getting Stuff Done. Things that aren't done are things that are still left to panic about, things that could potentially be more difficult to sort out than expected.

To prove to certain interested parties - mainly my Mother - that I wasn't rushing things, and was instead being Organised, as there were things that couldn't actually be done until closer to the wedding, I made a month-by-month plan of things to do in the next year. And it was all going okay until we hit August, and then things started getting busy. Really busy. So I started shunting things around a bit and basically from next April we're going to need to get a lot of things done month-by-month. We have a bit of a break in June, but otherwise it's busy. But apparently having lots of busy things to do made people feel better that I wasn't depriving Future!Me of some exciting planning funtimes, which is totally worth giving Present!Me anxiety flashes because there are things that need doing but I'm powerless to do them. It's like constantly knowing there was something REALLY IMPORTANT that you had to do, but you know you've forgotten to do it and can't work out what it was. That's what it's like. 

But now, what I'm seeing is a GIANT to-do list, with things on it that I can get done now, like right now, with no major issues, and that would be things off my list. And I'm chomping at the bit to do them, because honestly I learnt my lesson after doing my first all-nighter at University. Leaving things to the last minute DOES suck, it IS much better to get things done early if you can.

And also once I have ticked things off, I can feel suitably smug and pleased with myself, the warm glow of having accomplished something productive, and then focus on my other interests until it fades and the whole vicious cycle starts again.

*Alternatives for measuring the length of my engagment:

• 1.89 Rhinos or Camels
• 89.5 domestic Cats (based on a 4-kitten litter size)
• 1.66 Sperm Whales
• 1.83 Giraffes
• 7.2 Tigers.
• 1 and 3/4 Orcas
• 1 Elephant that's about a month overdue.
• 2/3 of a Black Alpine Salamander, depending how far up the hill it lives
• 59% of a Frilled Shark (but a whole spiny dogfish shark!)

 I don't know why I like to measure things by animal gestation periods, but I find it very fascinating.



How long an engagement did you have? Were you a planner or did you wait it out? Tips and tricks?

it's not about the ba-bling ba-bling - except it totally is.

On a bit of a decision-making high from unexpectedly buying my wedding dress (and possibly still slightly in shock), I decided to ride this wave of absolution for all it was worth, and four days later (okay yes, I didn't say I was completely over my commitment-phobia) I placed an order for my wedding ring.

 (there is a very limited selection of gifs suitable for this situation)

To tell you this story, I'll have to travel back in time a good few months and then take you step-by-step through my crazy ring-based mental processes. Are you ready? Did you make sure to go to the toilet? Have you got a snack?

Right so. All my life I thought I'd just get a plain wedding ring. That's what's the norm for my family, and by and large it's the norm for most of the rest of the UK (although this is changing of late). It would have to be yellow gold, because my mother had been carefully coordinating all my 'good' jewellery since I was about 16. I didn't mind, I liked yellow gold and frankly white gold sounded like a lot of work with all the re-dipping required.

So this is the starting point, for reference:

After a bit of pondering and browsing, Jon said to me one day that he quite fancied a ring with a bit of a Celtic pattern, and showed me this one:

(Clogau's Annwyl Ring)

I was quite taken with this idea, and that we could match - he could have the slightly thicker one and I could have the thinner! I was certain I could find something similar in yellow gold. He also told me that the ring above was by a company - Clogau - who make rings containing Welsh gold. Now, I loved that - wearing a ring made from gold found in the UK. I had recently discovered the Fairmined Gold movement, but had struggled to find vendors who used fairmined gold as a matter of course, and who made products that suited my tastes (although it seems the list appears to be growing, which is wonderful!). Welsh gold seemed a great way around it. That, and the Royal family had worn Welsh gold wedding rings for generations, which I'm sad to say influenced me a little bit more than perhaps I would like to admit.

(I will add, that it was only later I discovered that the amount of Welsh gold in each ring is actually miniscule. Welsh gold is so rare that it only makes up the smallest percentage of any piece of jewellery, but my intentions were pure!)


Anyway, whilst I was browsing their site and becoming ever-more impressed, I noticed a big banner at the top listing a contest. To win this bad boy:

(The Am Byth Ring)

It was BEAUTIFUL. I mean look at it! The intricate vinework, the gorgeous mix of rose and yellow gold, the diamonds! Needless to say I entered the contest. Several times. And got a number of family members to enter on my behalf as well. Because at £2,800 I was never going to be able to buy it. It was totally about as far away from what I wanted as it was possible to be - blingy, intricate, big - but I was utterly in lust.

I didn't win, needless to say. And with a bit of distance, it's probably for the best. But it opened my mind to other ring options, and I began to window-shop some more.


I was adamant that I didn't want a curved band, although realistically that probably would have sat best with my engagement ring. But I wanted something that wouldn't look odd if I wore it on its own.

I'd become more interested in the idea of an engraved band, something a bit vintage-style. Shamefully, I created a pinterest board where I collected my ideas.

Including this beauty:

(Mitchel and Co.)

It was beautiful. And I was convinced it was totally and utterly and completely out of my price range. So I left it there for months, coming back to sigh over it, and then trawling through pages of Etsy engraved rings which all seemed to have millgrain edges or flowers, neither of which I was super fussed on. 

Finally, at the start of July, I worked up the courage to email the jeweler, Mitchel and Co.,  about it. It was in budget! It was amazingly in budget! And the engraving was done by the "best engraver in the industry (he also engraves for the royal family!)" (again, I'm a little ashamed by how pleased I was to learn that). 

I dealt mainly with Charlotte, who was supremely helpful and friendly, and when we took a trip out to the shop, in the Birmingham Jewellery Quarter, they were welcoming, professional and really really helpful. The ring was designed and made in-house, so it was made to my specifications, and I knew where it had been. 

After I first went to the store, it was about two and a half weeks before I worked up the courage to order the ring, and then another month whilst I waited and fretted for it to be done. Would the engraving look okay on yellow gold? What if I hated it? What if it looked rubbish with my engagement ring? What if the diamonds were too much?

WORRYING WAS SILLY. IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

They are now storing it for me, for free, until the big day. I arranged this with them prior to purchase, and having seen the finished product I think it was doubly wise of me. I love it so much, I just want to wear it now. I'd definitely be trying it on all the time if I had it around the house.

I also love how it goes with my engagement ring. The gap doesn't bother me, and I think they look beautifully vintage together! And all for under £400. And did I mention, it's beautiful and I love it? Have I said the word beautiful enough yet in this post?

How early on did you get your wedding ring, guys? Did you always know what you wanted, or did your preferences swing wildly all over the place like me?

DRESS EXCITEMENT round 2

Remember when I didn't buy my wedding dress?

Well, last month, I did.

I found a shop near my home which a) sold the dress I wanted, and b) was conveniently having a sale (yaaay!) This shop is amazing - UK brides, I highly recommend Eternal Bride, in Warwick. I went there at the start of my dress shopping saga (8 stores, roughly forty dresses) and the service was great, so I had been hoping to if possible buy from them.

Tragically, they did not stock a sample of The Dress, but I figured that I'd tried it on 3 times now, so I knew what I looked like in it and it ticked off everything on my list:


- Sweetheart Neckline
- Strapless
- Dropped-waist a-line
- Lace edging on hem (ideally)
- Point d'esprit lace overlay
- A bit of tulle for some floof
- Empire line detailing
- Buttons


SPOILERS: This is not the dress I bought in the end.

I KNOW RIGHT. After all that fuss, after so nearly buying it from London, I picked a totally different dress.

Bear with me.

The dress I thought I loved, for reference, was the amazing Pronovias Berta:

If I am strictly honest with myself, I was still doubting it. The model pictures weren't speaking to me, and I'd been losing enthusiasm and found myself doubting if I would bite the bullet and buy it in the sale or if I'd leave it and just see if I could try it on again, one more time, to see. I had a nagging feeling that something was missing from it, something wasn't quite right, but couldn't quite work it out.

Not pockets.

When I went to the shop I was there to be convinced that there was nothing else out there more perfect for me, and that this was the dress. If it had been, I would have been very happy! But it transpires, it wasn't the case.

I tried on a number of other dresses during this appointment - all different from the Berta, although one had a very similar skirt, which proved handy when it came to decision-time.

The dress I bought was the first one I tried on this appointment, and I was stunned. I looked really good in it, and it fit perfectly!

It looked so elegant, and classy, and it had sleeves - something I'd been avoiding after trying on a few dresses with them at the start of the process which just all looked wrong, sat wrong on my boobs, scratched at my arms... as far as I had been concerned, no good things came with sleeves.

Until this dress.

But as I am prone to overthinking, and believe in nothing so much as the inherent changeability of human nature, I still did not commit. I tried on another dress, and another, and another. Each one a slightly different style.

None like that though.

In the end, we came back to two - one that was close enough to the Berta to use for comparison, but with sleeves (we tucked those in), and the Elegant and Classy dress. (not that the Berta isn't elegant and classy, this is just for differentiation).

And. Man. Goshdarnit. The Elegant and Classy dress made me look super tall and super slim and super elegant. I'd done my hair and makeup properly, and looking in the mirror I got a pretty good idea of what I'd look like for the day.

I didn't get a 'moment', like a flash of knowledge that this was THE ONE dress. But I looked very good in it. And it was light, and so easy to move in compared to the other dresses I'd tried on (including one incredibly weighty Sophia Tolli dress, with an underlayer of silver threads that I couldn't stop thinking about slug trails when I looked at it). All my family there - it was a 21st birthday party for one of my cousins that weekend, so we had a bit of a Family Outing to the dress shop - agreed it was the best dress. And I did hesitate to make a decision, but in the end I bought it.


Looking at it again, this dress is closer to the one I drew years ago, when I was idly pondering what sort of wedding dress I'd want, and also to a number of dresses I pinned on pinterest even though they totally weren't anything like my ticklist, but the pictures spoke to me anyway. I think I got a bit wrapped up in elaborate dresses, a bit distracted by detailing and photos in magazines. Whilst comparatively, what I'd been looking at was simple when held against some of the stuff out there, it was more than what was really 'me'.


From my tick list from above, this is what I walked out with:

- Sweetheart Neckline
- Dropped-waist a-line (sooort of?)
- A bit of tulle for some floof

I am VERY EXCITED about this though. I'm surprised I bought it so early (my plan had been to buy in September at the very earliest), but I think it will work out for the best. 

SO MANY people say you get the 'wow' moment though and guys, I really really didn't. I know I'm over-analytical, I know I overthink more than other people, but honestly I don't think you have to start crying when you've found your dress - and panic that you've made the wrong choice if you don't. I am doing everything in my power to discourage ANYONE crying for ANY reason at wedding related things, because frankly I find the whole thing really really awkward. 

Unfortunately this perhaps means I might not be the most demure and elegant bride...

 ...if it stops people crying, I'm there.

Besides, I'm not sure expressing the VERY REAL concern that with long hair, when you're dancing and get hot and sweaty, it can get stuck under your arms if it's not put up, really deserved the intense recoiling that it got when I mentioned it in the dress shop. THIS IS A REALITY FOR LADIES WITH LONG HAIR. IT CAN'T JUST BE ME THIS HAPPENS TO. IT IS A PRACTICALITY WE HAVE TO THINK OF. I AM JUST SAYING.

Yes, maybe, I could have just said that "I'm having it up because I get too hot with it on the back of my neck", but that would have required thinking before speaking.